"I'll never see the light of day
Living in this cell
It's time to make my way
Into the world i knew
Take back all of these times
That i gave in to you"
I've tried so hard not to come back here again, I've developed my personal defence mechanism but it wasn't strong enough. It failed. And I failed all over again.
Somehow I found myself feeling incredibly insecure and irrationally angry with everything and everyone.... Today I woke up and realised I couldn't fight it anymore and all my fears, disappointments and frustrations revealed their ugly faces again, turned into tears, rolling down my cheeks.
Sunt constienta ce anume mi-a retrezit aceste sentimente negative si nu stiu cand si cum voi fi capabila sa le las din nou in urma. Nu pot sa uit faptul ca mi-ai reinviat fantomele cu care atat de greu am luptat o perioada si desi sunt constienta ca nu e in totalitate vina ta, ma doare sa imi amintesc ca ori de cate ori am incecat sa iti explic cat de mult rau imi faceai, intampinam un zid. I guess it doesn't matter anymore. Let it me by my fault. I'm my own worse enemy, I'm the one to blame, I'm uncapable of fighting with myself and stop strugglin', stop being somewhere in between. I know I should choose my own path, but every time I think I did ...I get lost all over again.
Uneori ma gandesc ca poate ar trebui sa apelez din nou la puterea mea interioara, sa reincep aceeasi lupta veche pe care am dus-o ani intregi, dar parca gandul ca voi fi mereu in aceasta situatie ma seaca de energie si dorinta. Din exterior pare atat de usor, dar nu e...M-am saturat sa ma simt constant bantuita, sa ma lupt, in van, cu mine insami. De saptamani intregi am cazut din nou in letargie si nu pot sa ma trezesc decat pentru cateva clipe trecatoare, apoi ma afund din nou in durere, dandu-mi voie sa ma pierd tot mai tare in aceeasi eterna nemultumire si dezamagire. Astazi nu imi mai pasa...cine,cum si de ce ma judeca. Ce credeti,ce spuneti. Let it be my fault. M-am saturat sa repar greselile altora, in timp ce eu sunt judecata la tot pasul. Go ahead and judge, go ahead and wonder, go ahead and blame me...Let it be my fault. Let it be....Let me be...
