....Feels like I am strugglin' again, fighting with myself, trying to maintain the positive outlook on my life:) I hate this rain, this cold, annoying and disturbing weather that seems to want to make me lose myself again. I don't believe in regrets and yet, these days, they seem to haunt my mind. I always thought that everything happens for a reason, that the mistakes I make, the things I lose, the senseless efforts I once made will have a meaning someday. I still think so,but it's just so damn hard to wait for the day when this unsatisfaction in my heart will fade.
I hate how things are, I hate this wall and I hate how everything got so messed up again. When and why did I lose control? Is it up to me to fix it? I know what I did wrong but I also know the fault isn't entirely mine.
Sunt constienta de faptul ca nu pot sa ma mai pierd ca in trecut, refuz categoric sa ma afund in acel intuneric care parca ma pandeste si acum dintr-un colt asteptand un moment de slabiciune ca sa ma prinda din nou in ghearele lui. And yes, I've always been a drama queen. Despite that, it feels different this time. Ma frustreaza multe lucruri care mi-au scapat de sub control, recunosc ca pierd multe clipe gandindu-ma la trecut si prezent, intrebandu-ma cum va fi viitorul, dar in acelasi timp ma impotrivesc cu incapatanare, nu dau voie acelei stari de dinainte sa ma cuprinda si sa ma faca sa ma pierd din nou. Astazi sunt cu adevarat capabila de a pune lucrurile in balanta, de a simti ca, in ciuda regretelor si nemultumirilor care incearca sa ma demoralizeze, hotararea mea este, de data aceasta, mai puternica.
I do want things to change a bit, I want a different ending, one that doesn't erase every moment that mattered but it feels like there's nothing more I can do and I admitt it's messing with my mind...but..."I won't be broken again, I have to breathe, I can't keep going under..."
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