Today I lost control.
I just flipped,it was like all those feelings and frustrations I've been repressing suddenly exploded. Everything is wrong, I've lost so much and now I'm walking around aimlessly, trying to leave the past behind and keep on fighting for the future. And altough it hurts, I try to keep a smile on my face, to be here for each and every one of you who needs my support or my advice. I rarely get it back, but that's fine with me. I just want to be left alone. Don't put pressure on me, no matter how well intended it is. I can't continue this fight if you make me feel worse. I already feel like I am failing in every aspect of my life. And yet, I rarely let it out. I try to hide everything I sometimes feel, to seem secure and strong.
But today, when (for the umptieth time) I felt like the pressure is killing me and nobody seemed to believe I am aware of the consequences of my actions...I lost it. I couldn't handle it anymore and all my fears, disappointments and frustrations revealed their ugly faces again, turned into tears, rolling down my cheeks. I cried for things I didn't even wanna admitt I feel, for lost feelings and for moments I had to play it strong.
I can't lose my temper now, but I can't do this if everyone around me makes it harder....
I'm just sick of it all and I can't hide anymore:-|
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